Count my blessings

In a few days one of my sister will be getting married. This is great news!! Unfortunately together with my husband and 3 children we will not be going as the wedding is in Argentina. It is really expensive for us to go, and my husband cannot get the time off and it is too far of a travel for me to do alone with 3 kids. The result, heartache. She will be getting married on the 21 and my birthday is on the 19… Fair to say none of my siblings will be here to celebrate my 28… Or my mom and dad. I don’t mean to sound miserable and I should really count my blessings, but there is always a kicker that makes you look at the negative in life. I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to victimize myself. I’m a strong woman and should not be chained down by these thoughts that play on my emotions. When you accept the truth, life becomes easier, perhaps not physically, but definitely mentally. I’ve accepted the fact that my family sleeps all in one room. In the beginning I felt horrible. But I didn’t let it show, I don’t want to make my husband feel bad. However as time has gone on, I am so grateful because I hear my daughters prayers at night and how they sing together. They also share their worries, like school and friends. These are things perhaps I never would have known if I didn’t have this humbling experience. There is also my son, who wakes up with a smile big enough to light up the world every single day. It forces you in such a loving way to give thanks and smile too.  I know that as a parent and wife, there are often times I feel I haven’t provided enough. I can’t provide a home, that’s why we live with a friend in a basement. It embarrasses me. But my children don’t see anything wrong. They have food, clothes and toys. It is just my pride that makes me think that way. I probably have more in this tiny room then most people will ever have. I have love, hugs, kisses, and smiles. I am blessed in so many ways. I often think God does this to me so I appreciate the important things in life before I get distracted with less important things. But how is a house and car and job not important? They are. But what good is a house if you cannot make it a home? If everyone is in separate parts of the house filling their minds with social media, YouTube, TV etc. I have to learn to connect with my kids and communicate with them before the technical world does. And who cares About the car I drive, as long as it gets me to where I’m going. And I should be thankful I have a job, even though I am constantly dealing with people’s fecal matter. It is all humbling and I know it is God helping me deal with daily temptations and inner demons. I may not be where the world wants me to be, but I have more then the physical world could ever give me. 

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